Life: "No One Has Integrity And Here's Why" By alx.O

When I hear the word integrity, immediately my mind goes to all the great people in history who’ve made a difference in the world. Almost instantly, I can see Dr. Martin Luther King Jr, Nelson Mandela, Maya Angelou, Teddy Roosevelt, Ernest Hemingway, Oprah and so many others. Yet what escapes me when I do, is that neither of them actually had integrity. In fact, no one actually does. Integrity is not a trait, an object or a possession that one can have. It’s not even a tangible thing. No, integrity is a practice and much like all practices, you are measured by how well you do when tested. These great people are great not because of their ownership of integrity but because of how well they practiced integrity while being tested. Which leads me to my recent life lesson about the practice of integrity.

It was the middle of the week and I was rushing to close a rental transaction that I was working on. Under normal circumstance this process would’ve been way smoother but because the landlord was out of town and it was already a day before from the first of the month, things needed to happen faster than normal. That day I was scrambling to make sure all the paperwork was done properly and my clients had everything they needed. You see, my clients needed to move in asap and I found myself caught up in the eagerness to make it happen and close the deal. Now at this point, the listing agent agreed to bypass the interview process and just move straight to the lease signing because the landlord was out of town. Which was perfect.

As a Realtor, there's nothing better than working agent to agent. We know what we need and we can get things done so much faster. But then at the last minute, I get a text from the listing agent letting me know that the landlord will be present. Which was fine but I needed to make sure I communicated that to my clients, so they wouldn’t be blindsided. Which I did, however, it was the way I did it that tested my integrity

You see, I grew up in urban culture and for most of my life I’ve been told that being from urban culture was a bad thing. It was embedded into almost every aspects of my life, to the way I talked, the way I conduct myself in public, even the way I dressed and who I socialized with. I understood very early on that although urban culture was all I knew, that generally it was viewed as a bad thing. Which as a youth I never took personal because it’s just how the world was. I never knew anything different. And in my ignorance I just accepted it.

But now as an adult and an educated professional, I do take it personal. I adamantly reject that ideology and refuse to perpetuate it. So in my day to day, I make it a point to always stand up against that way of thinking and create a space of inclusion for those who also come from urban culture. It’s important to me that fellow urbanites feel comfortable and proud of where they come from. Which leads me to my recent test.

Now, I grew up in the same neighborhood as my client, in fact, we were classmates. So all things considered him and I are both urbanites. The only difference now is that I wear a suit everyday to work and he doesn’t. Which I never considered to be relevant but I would later realize that it is but only in this way. When I see him, I see myself. When he sees me, in my suit, he sees a world that doesn’t always respect or think highly of him.

So I called my client to inform him that the landlord would be present, but my tone unconsciously shifted. It went from nonchalant to borderline candid yet implicit.
I said to him, “ Hey just wanted to give you a heads up, the landlord will be present… Just so you know…”
My client says, “Okay that’s fine.”
To which I reply in a more implicit tone, “Alright, so just keep in mind the owner will be there...”
My client pauses for a moment and then says, “Oooh ok, I see what you mean. I know what you’re trying to say. I understand.”

Since my intentions were good, I didn't think much about that conversation and just moved on.

Fast forward, everything went down perfect. The lease got signed, my clients and the landlords hit it off, and everything seemed great. That is until my client walks up to me outside the apartment and says,
“I know what you were trying to say before but you didn’t have to say it. I conduct myself how I want myself to be seen. I am proud of who I am. I don’t need to change who I am. You shouldn't have taken me as a client if you weren't comfortable with who I am.”

I paused, taken aback by what he was saying then replied, “Na man, I didn’t mean it in that way. I was just trying to make sure you got everything you wanted.”

And although I didn’t intentionally mean anything bad by what I said; deep down I knew he was right... I did ask him to change who he was; maybe not completely but definitely temporarily.

Which reminded me a these J.Cole Lyrics from the 3rd verse of "Folding Clothes"

"Niggas from the hood is the best actors
We the ones that got to wear our face backwards
Put your frown on before they think you soft
Never smile long or take your defense off
Acting tough so much, we start to feel hard
Live from the city where they pull cards
I got a Glock 40 and a little nine
Ready for the day a nigga pull mine

Niggas from the hood is the best actors
Gotta learn to speak in ways that's unnatural
Just to make it through the job interviews
If my niggas heard me, they'd say
"Damn, what's gotten into you?"
Just trying to make it, dog, somehow
Peaking through the blinds, I see the sun now
I see you're still sleeping and it feels like
Maybe everything is gon' be alright"

I found myself asking myself, why did I do that? What was it, within me, that made me feel like I had to do that? What was I scared of? Was I scared of not being accepted? Maybe I was scared that the landlord was some suburban old man that considered people from urban culture criminals or something. I don't know. 

But I guess being so caught up in the situation and wanting to get the win for everyone, I inadvertently compromised my integrity. I treated him the way the world treats people from urban culture. And it was on my drive home where I felt a deep sense of shame because of it. I couldn’t believe that I could do something like that.

I spoke to my mother about it that night and she advised me to not take it so personal, that it’s just the business, that sometimes these kinds of things just happen. And she may be right but that night I decided to reject that ideology too. I decided that yes, I can’t do anything about the past but I can do better in the future. Which is where I stand today.

I refuse to accept that these things JUST happen and I refuse to be okay with them JUST happening. I think the moment you allow these kinds of things to bother you less, is the same moment that you begin to accept what's wrong in the world. These kinds of things HAVE to bother you and they have to bother you EVERY time.

My clients own self love helped me see the error of my ways and allowed me to understand that integrity is not a possession but rather a practice. Because up until then I thought I had it. I thought I was in possession of it but really that was just an illusion. That night my integrity was tested and I failed. But It was also an education. I learned that I can do better. I just need to keep practicing. We all do.